Starting Over…Again

What do you do when you are building a new routine, new habits, and then life gets in the way and you miss a day? Most people pick it right back up. I’m not most people. Habit and routine development for the average person is hard. It’s extremely difficult for me.

Yesterday I spent nearly all day in traffic running back and forth the 40 miles to Seattle four times. I spent 6 hours in traffic. It was stressful, overwhelming, agonizing sensory wise, and overall just absolutely exhausting. It used all my spoons from yesterday and it feels like just getting up to welcome repairmen into my home this morning was the only spoons I had left today.

That means I did nothing of my tasks yesterday. It means if I do my tasks today I’m pulling from tomorrows spoons. The cycle goes on. I’m depleted. I’m burned out. But I have to build this routine because I can’t keep this dysfunctional life going. I have to balance the lack of spoons without complete burnout and getting things done.

Just one or two days of me being off my routine and I have to relearn my routine.

My problem is not so much that my kitchen is a disaster. My bathroom counter is a mess. Or that I have stacks of laundry to complete. Its that I lost my routine and now I have to start over again. It’s not just picking up where I left off. It’s rebuilding it again. This happens regularly too. Just one or two days of me being off my routine and I have to relearn my routine. No this is not typical. Most people can miss a day or two and be just fine getting back into the swing. For me, it’s starting from scratch. I really need to make my video for days like this. I forgot where my routine starts. I forgot what my focus should be. I forgot how to initiate. Again.

I’m tired of this routine. I’ve been told I need occupational therapy and help from a speech therapist to rebuild some of my cognitive abilities. Except when you call they don’t understand. And I can’t find words to explain it thoroughly enough for them to understand. I just know I’m not okay. I know I’m struggling. I also know that I shouldn’t have to struggle this hard.

I saw a great idea a couple days ago. To do lists are a favorite of most people, helps keep them on track and it can even help me when I remember to create one and use it. Since I usually forget I have one or an app for that I keep a small one in my head that if I’m doing well I can complete. I also have two large whiteboards to help keep track of my daily things and who needs to do what and when. Remember, I’m also trying to teach my employees to build routines and habits that they will need when they move on with their careers! (Yes, I just called my kids employees!)

Today is going to be a Bad Day Todo List.

  1. Take medicine.
  2. Eat.
  3. Play with the girls.
  4. Read.
  5. Load the dishwasher.
  6. Brush teeth.
  7. Rest.

I hope tomorrow will be a Good Day Todo List.

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